Mine errands

Here's a list of some of the things I've done this week that have prevented me from devoting time to the ol' blog this week:

--watching BYU pull off the greatest comeback in NCAA Tournament history to advance past the "first round" to the actual tournament

--watching BYU fail to come back from a big deficit in the round of 64 of said tournament

--filling out 21 (yep, 21) March Madness brackets

--watching as much basketball as I can as 18 of the 21 brackets were busted beyond repair by the end of the first day

--two days of mandatory work training (I don't blog while I'm working, but I usually have a 10-second commute and shower on my lunch break. This time I had a 15-minute commute each way and had to shower before I left. It adds up. Don't know how you regular folks do that every day.)

--hosting a "Pi Day" dinner group consisting of multiple pizza and dessert pies

So it's been a fun but busy week. As a result, I don't have any interesting angles or insights related to the upcoming Sunday School lesson (which covers some of Jacob's teachings to his people, thereby fulfilling his "errand from the Lord). This is potentially a problem, because I'm teaching Gospel Doctrine this Sunday. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself away from basketball enough this weekend to be adequately prepared, but just in case, read the chapters. And come to my class and make lots of comments. 'Preciate it.

Spring forward

I had an amazing idea for this week's BASOTRUSSL*, but I've been really busy this week and was planning to write it between 2 and 3 AM Sunday morning. But now I just realized that that hour will not exist. So instead you just get this:

Jokes.com
Paul F. Tompkins - Daylight Saving Time
comedians.comedycentral.com
Paul F. Tompkins Comedians Stand-Up

After you're done watching, dig into the reading for this week's Sunday School class. 2 Nephi 31:20-21 includes the words "forward," "brightness," and "saved." Are those verses referring to the anachronistic clock-switching practice that is Daylight Savings Time, or something else entirely? Only one way to find out. And you'd better start soon--you have one less hour than usual to prepare for the lesson.

*Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson. I post a new BASOTRUSSL every week.

Dancing days are here again

A couple weeks ago the auditions for the upcoming season of one of my favorite shows, So You Think You Can Dance (dance, dance...), rolled through Salt Lake City. I'm too old to try out for the show (I'm sure that's the only thing keeping me from making it as a contestant), but luckily there's no age limit for audition audience members. Also luckily, there were no nondisclosure forms or anything like that involved, so I can tell everyone what I saw without breaking any rules.

My brother and sisters attended last year's auditions and warned me it was actually quite boring, plus the last time I attended any SYTYCD event in person I fainted and nearly crushed my friend Gaby. But those concerns aside, I was confident I'd enjoy myself, if nothing else because I was attending with my friends Amy, Jo and Ashley, all fans of the show and fun people to hang out with.

My ultimate goal was to see Cat Deeley, the foxy blonde on the right of the above photo and my favorite TV personality. I knew it would be tricky, since she's usually out in the hallways interviewing the dancers before and after their auditions rather than in the auditorium, but I was determined. After a surprisingly short amount of time waiting in line outside the theater, we were ushered in. Alas, the lower section was already full, so we were sent to sit up in the mezzanine. We could still see the stage just fine, but we couldn't see the judges (Mary and Nigel, pictured above, plus Adam Shankman, the producer of the Step Up franchise) unless we stood up and leaned over the railing.

The initial auditions had happened over the previous two days, where would-be dancers performed for lower-level producers, hoping to get a callback to dance in front of the TV judges. Those chosen to come back were brought out onto the stage in groups of ten. They'd line up, five on each side, and one at a time they'd prance out to center stage and give it their all until Nigel called "next dancer." There was a little of everything: contemporary, ballet, hip-hop, ballroom, breakers, African, Latin, and of course a couple of goofballs--the ones that make it on the show as the "bad auditions."

After all ten acts had had their chance, Nigel would call for everyone to dance, and they'd crowd into the middle, trying to get the judges' attention and approval. It reminded me of a Mormon dance with better talent--one person at a time dancing into the middle of the circle and showing off, with only brief stretches of everyone dancing at the same time. Each group of ten danced to the same Chris Brown song, and amazingly I never got sick of it, even though it was an extended version and I heard it about a dozen times.

(While I'm thinking about it, I'm going to take a second and--shocking, I know--stick up for Chris Brown. Or, at least stick up for his right to work. It's impossible to stick up for what he did to Rihanna; that was indefensible. But after his performances last month at the Grammys and during halftime of the NBA All Star Game, I saw comments from many of Facebook, Twitter and elsewhere that it was "unforgiveable" that he was allowed to perform.

I believe we have a moral obligation to forgive others, but leaving that aside...even if you refuse to forgive his heinous actions, shouldn't he still be allowed to earn a living? Is it because it's only been three years? How long until it's "ok" for him to perform on TV? Or is it because of his chosen profession--that if he became a plumber or a fast food cook or a security guard or something, that would be acceptable, but he can't be a rich and famous entertainer? The implication with that argument is that the occupation "celebrity" is inherently better than those other jobs, but that's simply not true.

Chris Brown has given little or no indication that he's changed for the better since the incident three years ago, and if I were producing a show like the Grammys I would certainly think twice before inviting him to perform,  but banning someone from earning a living because they're a "bad person" is unjust. If I'm overlooking some aspect of this, please let me know in the comments. Putting my soapbox away now...)

After each group of ten had finished, the dancers would line up, and Nigel would call the numbers of those who would be invited back. One group had seven go through, one zero, but overall about one-third made it through this round. One of the girls who made it was the daughter of "the real Ringo Starr." If you watched the show last year, you know who I'm talking about. We saw an old man in the lobby wearing a pink, Sgt. Pepper-style uniform, and I'm assuming that was "Ringo" himself. So when the Salt Lake audition episode airs, brace yourselves for at least one excruciating segment. (Update: found the video from last season. Watch if you dare.)

Once all the groups were done, the solo auditions began. This part was actually pretty boring; there was an afternoon session as well, and that's probably all they got to see. I'm glad I was there in the morning for the group dances. Nigel would ask each contestant a bunch of questions about what they do for a living, how long they've been dancing, etc. Then they'd dance, and then all three judges would give their critique. Most of their comments were much longer than what they show on TV. Each solo-er was onstage for six or seven minutes, with only about 90 seconds of dancing.

We saw about ten solos, including one girl with dyed-red hair who was the first one we saw in the group stage. She's from South Ogden, is only 18, and was really impressive. I thought they'd put her straight through "to Vegas" (the next level of the competition), but they asked her to stay for the choreography round that night (basically a last chance for dancers the judges are on the fence about). I hope she made it through.

Two guys got tickets to Vegas. One was the last guy cut before the finalists were announced two seasons ago, and one was a gymnast who had only been dancing for two years. They brought his grandma up to the judges' table to watch his audition, and when that happens you know they aren't saying no. A few others made it to choreography, and a few were sent home. Then they broke for lunch, and it was time for us to go home as well.

As we exited the auditorium, I finally got my wish: Jo pointed out that my favorite Brummie was on the balcony above taping an interview. I waved at Cat, but she didn't wave back. But it was still worth it. And I'm sure our paths will cross again someday. So I think I can dream (dream, dream...)

Hunger Games

Yesterday, I bought tickets to a private screening of Hunger Games my work will be hosting later this month. It will be the first time I've seen a movie in a theater since a similar work screening for the first Harry Potter Deathly Hallows movie in late 2010. That's right, I avoided the theater completely in 2011. It wasn't something I did intentionally; mostly, I was just too busy watching TV.

After buying the tickets, I was disappointed to discover that the movie is not a dramatization of the exciting world of competitive eating, as I had assumed from the title. Oh well, I'm sure it will still be one of the best movies I've seen in years.

Fortunately for me, there are plenty of food-based events around this time of year. For example:

--Last Tuesday was Pancake Day at IHOP, the one day each year where they give away free pancakes. They were quite good.

--On Leap Day a number of eateries had free food promotions, including Subway's offer of a free cookie with any purchase. The abundance of free food is likely what Jack was referring to when he said "you know how [Mormons] are about Leap Day" on last week's 30 Rock.

--Just around the corner is March 14th, or Pi(e) Day! My circumference will likely increase after all the pizza and dessert pastries I'll consume that day.

--And March Madness starts the very next day! I usually take the first two days of the tournament off of work and watch hours and hours of basketball, constantly grazing on snacks, taking a break only to get something more substantial like pizza or a Chik-fil-A nugget platter.

--Hopefully I'll save some room after all that for some corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day, not to mention all the non-Irish foods dyed green for the occasion.

--Rounding out the month (and my belly), March 28th is "Something on a Stick Day." Seriously. One of my life's mottos is "All food tastes better when eaten on a toothpick." And a stick is nothing more than a giant toothpick. You'd better believe I'll be celebrating this one.

So, yeah, I like food a lot, and I like a lot of food. So I always feel a little weird when I read in the scriptures that "eat, drink, and be merry" is a sinful philosophy. This week's Sunday School lesson covers this topic, among others. (It also includes another verse that makes me uneasy: "priestcrafts are that men...set themselves up...that they may get gain and praise of the world" (2 Ne. 26:29). That's basically what this blog is, a way for me to get gain and praise of the world. Well, mostly praise. I don't ask my readers for money. Though maybe...) So study up, and we can help each other learn more about these principles.

Something else for y'all to chew on: later in the same scripture block, the Millenium is described as a time when wolves and lambs will lie down together, when lions will eat straw, when young children will play safely near the den of a cockatrice (which is basically a basilisk, a creature I remember well since, again, I haven't seen a movie in theaters since HP 7.1, aka Nagini's Suppertime). If you think about it...if even the lion can't eat meat in those days, what chance do we humans have? Though I certainly don't know for sure, it seems likely that man will be stuck with a vegetarian diet at that point. In the meantime, though, I'm going to eat, drink, and be Mary. In other words, I'm going to "have a little lamb."

Hoffmann of the Month: March

The "Hoffmann of the Month" for March is...Hoffman's Playland!

You probably thought the Hoffmann of the Month would always be a person. Well, you thought wrong. As Spring approaches and we (hopefully) soon see the return of warm weather, I'm proud to honor this upstate New York amusement park. Checking out the website and a few YouTube videos, it seems to be one part Lagoon and two parts Babes In Toyland. In other words, it seems to be awesome!

In addition to all the rides and the arcade and the gift shop and the birthday parties, Hoffman's has its own, onsite Subway! But I'm more interested in trying their "fabulous fried dough."

I thought this was a good time to honor the Playland, because yesterday interviews began to hire this summer's crop of park employees. That's right, even as we speak, management is determining which 16- and 17-year-olds will be responsible for making sure your children are properly strapped in to the Jolly Caterpillar, the Tilt A Whirl, and the Red Baron. Don't worry though--they may be young, but I'm sure they're properly trained.

If you haven't already, click that first link and hit "PLAY JINGLE." It's the catchiest song you'll hear all month.

Here's the place
Where a happy face
Is as natural as can be


The carousel
Spins a magic spell
Makin' family memories


Have a holiday (holiday)
Feelin' good
Feelin' free


Hoffman's Playland (Hoffman's Playland)
Hoffman's Playland (Hoffman's Playland), the family place to be!

Congratulations, Hoffman's Playland!

Moving right along

We've hit the dreaded "Isaiah chapters" in our Sunday School study of the Book of Mormon. Even Church leaders know that most of us, due to intimidation, lack of effort, or whatever reason, get little from this section. It seems they would consider it a victory if we just skipped over these chapters and continued studying what comes next, as opposed to quitting reading altogether. Seriously. Check out the bare bones study guide material for this week's lesson.

Lest you think the curriculum developers are just trying to avoid being repetitious with Old Testament lessons, here's the OT study guide for (most of) the corresponding chapters--not a whole lot more to work with.

And I don't have much to add, either. The very first mass Sunday School email I sent out (and of course those emails have morphed into these BASOTRUSSL blog posts) was back in September of 2010, when the upcoming lesson was the same early-Isaiah scripture block linked to above. This is what I had to say then:

"You know those chapters you always skip when you read The Book of Mormon? Well there's no avoiding them now! This Sunday will be the first of five straight Gospel Doctrine lessons on the book of Isaiah. The curriculum for this week, along with some questions to guide your study, can be found here.

In addition to all the good stuff about temples and the fate of the world in the latter days, this scripture block contains one of my all-time favorite random scriptures, Isa. 3:21. Look that one up, and make time to study all the chapters. Sunday School is much more interesting and meaningful if you've studied in advance and come to class prepared to contribute."

That was it. A simple "rings and nose jewels" reference grew into all kinds of weird scriptural tangents. This post is pretty unremarkable, but hopefully it won't cause you to quit reading. Just like the "Isaiah chapters" will soon be in our rearview mirror, I'll do my best to come up with some more interesting posts in the coming weeks.

Friend of a Friend

I practiced a bit of "blogamy" (blog bigamy--copyright Jeff Hofmann 2012) this week. My friend Larissa, who I've mentioned several times on my blog (probably more than you even realize), let me write a guest post on her site.

For Valentine's Day, I wrote about that video that was circulating the Interwebs about two months ago, where Utah St. students were asked if guys and girls can be "just friends." Check it out here, and feel free to comment on either blog.

Thanks Riss!